he morning blazing threw my
living room windows. Dust particles are dancing in the rays of light,
to some unheard song. As I sit here in the shadows at my small dining
table. With its dishes from past meals. With its lonely chair I
now sit in. I can’t help to think of my life and what has
passed before my eyes in my 40 years.

What has my life come to? What were the highs and lows? Is there
meaning to my life? If I die today. Would anyone miss me? Is there
more to this life. All questions we all have to ask our selves at
some point in our lives.

Two years after the car
accident. Losing my marriage of 20 years and my two kids. Two
lovely daughters. Smart as whips and always made me smile. Now this
house feels empty. No cheerful screams or bitter tears that can only
come from youth.

No spouse to be with. Someone I thought I would be with for the
rest of this life and the life after this. One I cared for with all
of my heart. Some one would have died for.

Now it is all gone. With the sands of time, pain of death
decreases my counselor says. I find it hard to believe. I feel like I
am going to die. My heart brakes with every day I live on. How can I
go on? What do other people do?

To try to put this straight in my mind. I must start from the
beginning. The summer of my 16^th birthday. A land
mark for any teen in America. A large one for me. Unexpectedly
so. One that was unexpected, with the bitter sweet feelings. Youthful
bless. Innocence not yet loss to pessimism found in adulthood. What a
summer it was at least looking back at it now.

It was not two days after I was done with my Freshman year. My
last at my Jr High. A celebration ensued for me and my classmates
that night. A party until dusk on the Seattle waterfront. My 3 mates
an I, doing this and that. The trouble teens will get into.

Had burrowed of their parents cars. I think it was Sam Morphy’s
dad Pontiac. He was away on a business trip and our logic was hey he
ain’t here to use it. What trouble could we get into? As I was
the only one with a car license. I was elected as the “driver”.
It would be home again by the time he got home in a week.

We started down at Colman Dock were the Bermerton ferry all ways
docked. A place I was a little industrial, like a steel mill town.
Something to do with the navy ship yard over their. I never bothered
with the place. It seemed a little out of the way.

Worked our way down the waterfront. Taking in the sights, pigging
out on Ivers seafood. Getting drunk on Coke Cola, with sugar highs
all around. Parking the car not far from pier 63, now a empty wooden
deck. Got out and had our fill of what they called Pike Place.
Nothing like it is now. It had its own feel then it does now.

It was almost like the B&I in Tacoma. It is hard to describe
it. You have to go see it for your self to know what I am talking
about. Neck nack stores, food stuffs, an active farmers market. The
fish! Oh my the fish. Our gold here in the North West. We saw it all.
While making fart jokes. Staring at the female kind. Cat calls here
and there. Teens on the lose. Something I would have tried to prevent
in my own kids had they lived.

Some hours later, slowly making our way back the car. To our
dismay, the car had been vandalized. Nothing to major. It would be
enough for Sam's mom and dad to go ape shit on us. Key had been swipe
across the nicely maintain paint job on the passengers side.

Ever want to see eyes popping out. Sam was doing it. “Sebastian,
what the hell are we going to do?” He was looking directly into
my eyes. Almost looked like he crapped his pants. Not like I could
have done anything.”Sam, get a grip!” Holding on to his
shoulders. Keeping him steady. He looked at the other two for
support. John and Cal just shrugged their shoulders and looked at me.
A pit will boulding in my stomach. I did not like it.

What could we do? Looking at it now. It reminds me of the sitcom
world. Why did life at that point look like that? Life is strange
line of actions making our story. In any case. Sam was taking this
harder then anyone of us were.

We were not the ones who would have to deal with the coming
grounding. At least that is what we hoped would happen. Every man for
him self right? We did care what happen to Sam trust me. It just was
not will, you know what this kind of thing feels like.

“Sam”, I said,”Lets just get into the car. Drive
home and sleep on it.” Cal spoke up,”Ya lets just get
into the car. Your dad wont be home for another week. We surly could
come up with a plan by then” John being a follower as he was
just shrugged,”Hey man what ever you want to do.”

We made it home. Not a word was spoken. Sam was not in the mode.
All after we had our day of fun. No more dirty teacher looks and all
that. Making it back before eight that night. Taking the long way
home. Driving threw Capital hill, down to West Seattle to Long view
and back again. It seemed to help Our collective moods.

Dropping the car off at
Sam's home. He seemed to keep some of that big eyed look on his face.
I guess it has to be with living with a type A personality. A trait
his dad would show in everything he did. Never missing a thing. Guess
that is why he was such a successful manger. Making more then our old
men combined. They had two cars after all and decent ones to.

Sam live about a mile from me. Not to bad on this late spring
night. It had been nice and hot all day and now it was finely cooling
down. It felt nice. As us three walked down the many hills in down
town Seattle.

“What is it John?”, Spoke Cal. John seemed a little
fidgety about something. Looking at his watch. We stared at him and
he looked up,” Oh, I need to be home fast. My mom expects me to
babysit my little sister and brother.” Then he was off like
greased lighting. Booking it. Track star at work.

Hard to believe  he was my
friend considering were he stood in the school social order.  I being
what they call an outcast. A classic outsider. Maybe that is what
made us work. Complementary personalities. He being more reserved and
I speaking my mind were it may or may not be welcome. He also got
along with my other two friends, so that helped.  

Walking slowly home. Cal in lock step. He to shared the military
brat status. His dad in the navy. Having come out here to help close
up Sand Point Naval Air Station. Cal's mom fell in love with the
place and put down roots just like that and told his dad this were
she will stay.

Cal's dad seemed partial to
it. Having come from China Lake and its nasty heat. He was close to
retirement any way. So they stayed. His dad managing to get a post at
Sand Points replacement up at Whidbey Island Naval Air Station. As it
was taking over the missions Sand Point had handled before then.

This meant his dad was up at the base most of the week. Not worth
making the content commute  down to Seattle were we lived. Our dads
seemed to get along. It just got a little nasty around the Army Navy
game. Bit of a odd couple there. I don't think if I were Cal's
friend, our dad wold not have met. So different.